Breaking Through The Things that Stop Us...

I have recently become aware of blocks in my own life...things that stop me from being WHO I want to be. At times they are just shadowy "blind-spots" that I keep running into like procrastination, getting bogged down or a general loss of power. At other times, I recognize that the issue is very clear: avoidance of certain things, meeting with certain people or making certain goals.

As I began looking at these blocks, I became more aware that the same blocks kept popping up throughout my life!! Not only did I have a loss of power around, say, pushy people in my personal life but also in my professional life, with friends, family, clients and business associates. Humm...interesting right? It became very clear that my loss of power and my unwillingness to deal with certain people and certain situations had NOTHING to do with the individual or situation and EVERYTHING to do with who I was being.

Let me share a quick example from my own life:

I used to feel a complete loss of power when clients would not take my advice or follow a program that I had created for them. This resulted in frustration and , at times, conflict between myself and the person whom I professed to HELP! I NEEDED them to do the program so I could fix them! WOW...let's break that one down to illustrate where I was lying to myself, who I was being, and how I have come to a different way of dealing with it:

1) The lie:
OK, there are a couple of lies that are hidden in this one.
The first is that I know what is best for people better than they do! I pretend that people NEED the work I do. In reality, each human being is able to choose his or her own course in life. If people just really love food and aren't worried about the health repercussions, then who am I to make them wrong for that? The truth of that situation is that I provide a very valuable service to those out there who really do want to transform their lives and health but I am NOT here to make that choice for them or make them WRONG for not choosing what I would choose. NOBODY, my friends, needs fixing...we are all perfect and complete. From there we can CHOOSE to completely transform our lives because we want to ....not because we HAVE TO FIX things.

Second lie (This one is a BIG one): I was pretending that the program was for them when in reality I was so attached to the outcome. It was important for them to succeed so that I could feel good about myself. In that place, I NEEDED something from my clients for my self. I wasn't able to be there completely for them, without judgement and in a place of giving because I was being selfish. By taking my own need, and ego, out of the picture and just making myself present, I realized that I can always bring power and clarity to the situation. I can now be there fully for my client and really listen to what is going on rather than making everything mean something about me. In this space, my clients and I work through some amazing obstacles. I am now COMMITTED to helping my clients and not ATTACHED to how that happens.


So, you want to know the amazing thing? This pattern did not at all end with how I approached my clients. I soon realized that I became that needy, judging person when ANYONE didn't want to take my advice or when I really wanted someone to do something. It was affecting my relationship with my phenomenal boyfriend, my family, and my friends. I was actually being so selfish that I would distance myself from people rather than come to terms with who I was being. Once I saw that I was being selfish, and needy, I simply let it go and created a new way of being. I decided that I was going to be a powerful leader instead. Now each time I am faced with the situation, I automatically see it for what it is and can choose to remain a powerful leader instead of defaulting to a selfish and needy martyr.

To be fair, this is a sticky business. I didn't realize that I was actually doing it until I was given the tools to do so. So, now I pass those tools on to you.
1) Look for places in your life where you have a loss of power...a place you just can't seem to get through: Perhaps it is your health.
2) Look to see where you are lying to yourself. There is a fib in there somewhere and the more diligently you search for it, the more power you will get back for yourself.
3) Decide WHO you want to be in that situation.
4) Be that person and keep looking for the little lies.

I work through this process frequently with my clients. For instance:
"I didn't have time to write down my food or do the exercises" There is lie in this which is SO dis empowering. The lie is that the client doesn't have enough power to even schedule his time. That he is just a helpless victim of his schedule. I have no judgement here: NONE. I don't need them to fill out their journal or complete their program...but I am committed to empowering them. So, what there is to do is just acknowledge the fib: "I don't have control over my schedule or life." and do one of two things: Either recommit to making it a priority and set structures in place to make sure that you follow through in the future. OR you can acknowledge to yourself that you are not willing to take this step toward securing a healthier body. There is no right or wrong here...no judgement just complete honesty.

In a place of honesty with yourself and with others, there really isn't anything standing in the way of what you want...there may be some confusion about what you want to create but the game-playing is over. I occasionally get clients who swear up and down that they want great health and a body they can be proud of but will never follow through when the opportunity presents itself. Just as I had to dig deep into my loss of power, they must dig deep to see where they are deceiving themselves. Either they really don't want what they say they want, or they don't want to do what is necessary to obtain it.

There is such great power available in distinguishing these lies because they allow us to live in reality...they allow us to see what is real and work with power to create something else. Without this honesty, people all too often fall into playing the victim or hopeless martyr. I have yet to see a "victim" achieve any lasting fitness goal. Success rises from empowered people not those who so easily diminish themselves with self-deception.For more information on learning to do this type of self-work, I recommend visiting Landmark Education. It has completely changed my life for the better and has also been a positive influence for several clients and family members